That’s right. The ½ inch, green mobsters have struck again. And they’re looking meaner than ever.
The nasty Emerald Ash Borer gang is silently traversing the Texas regions, and their tactics are ghastly:
The bosses fly in and case the joint, laying hits in the rough crevices of ash trees. Out hatch the nasty white crew members. They quickly slip under the bark and out of sight to start the real dirty work; clogging up plumbing, and systematically sever the tree’s internal water and nutrient lines until the victim starves.
Once the job is done, they slink away, leaving the trees to die and their signature D-shaped mark in the tree.
Gruesome.
They tried something like this in 2016, but only hit a single county; they were young and inexperienced back then. Their personnel management must be working overtime to get the craftiest egg-layers in the business. This past month, the Texas A&M Forest Service has confirmed infestations in 40 Texas counties as of October 2026, making it the largest recorded heist in the state’s history.
To this day, many consider them the nastiest tree-corroders on the planet.
Even if you don’t live in Texas, be on the lookout. These sneaky vandals are hitching rides on getaway cars like smuggled firewood. The Texas Department of Agriculture maintains strict oversight on wood transit, but still…who knows where they’ll strike next?
Watch your wood.